1. Tie Dye
Unless this is a shirt you sleep in, or you’re colorblind, there are really no
excuses. There’s never been a case of “well-fitting” tie dye, and I can’t imagine a world on which it’s flattering to any body type. If you’re a hippie and pride yourself on it, please find another way to express it – there’s plenty of cute crochet and fringe options!
2. Velvet Spaghetti Strap Dresses
‘Clueless’ made everyone want a spaghetti strap dress, and you might still secretly kind of want one, but it is so many horrifying potential wardrobe malfunctions. Especially for bigger-chested ladies. All it takes is one snap of that measly, weak strap, and you better hope that you have a non-sheer bra on underneath. Also, why were they always velvet? An already slinky dress with a flaw revealing material? Definitely not a confident boost.
Unless you’re going on a safari or hiking, I see no reason why this should be a staple in your wardrobe. The word brings to mind awkward dads walking around The Gap, their shorts cinched up so high that they ride up above the knee and show some unnecessary, very pale dad thighs.
4. Double Denim
Some people might think they’re being ironic by doing this, or that they’re part of the in crowd and have found a chic way to manage turning denim on denim into something other than a crime.
5. Embarrassingly Big Hats
These hats were worn by so many 90s icons. ‘Sex and the City’ rocked it, Tia and Tamara in ‘Sister, Sister’ definitely rocked it, and we can’t forget Blossom. But there’s a reason why those things were better on the screen than in reality, you know?
6. Wide-Legged Bell Bottom Jeans
Or turning normal jeans into DIY bell bottoms. a worse crime than mom jeans, which eat your butt. For some reason, these were the skinny jeans of the 90s – everyone wanted a pair of flare jeans. They should be banned from being created.
7. JNCO Jeans
These really took bell bottoms to the next level. they had fifty inch bottoms and looked like standardly sized people were trying to fit into the jeans of a morbidly obese person. not slacker chic, just slacking.
I don’t know how this was every a thing instead of a snapback or a beanie. They literally serve no purpose, unless you’re a shameless tourist in the desert. As a fashion statement, it seems akin to wearing a helmet on your head.
9. Short-Sleeved Hoodies
Why? Just why? If you are cold, purchase a sweater. You can’t even tie this thing around your waist. A t-shirt that you sweat in, or a sweater that you’re shivering in. It’s a lose-lose situation.
10. Long-Sleeved Crop Tops
Those frustrating bat wing sleeves get caught on everything, and there’s kind of the same dilemma of the short-sleeved hoodie. “Crop” and “long” kind of negate each other. While this look may not be as terrible as the others, long-sleeved crop tops are known for exposing a little too much when arms are lifted, or an awkwardly boxy torso and suffocating and sweaty arms.
11. Wallet Chains
Made for people who are overly paranoid about someone stealing their wallets, but also used to signify being an edgy badass? Somehow these ideas oppose each other completely but still made sense in the 90’s.
12. Dressing Goth-Chic
Well, minus the chic. No one’s ever tried to argue that black doesn’t look good on someone, its just over the over-the-top black lipstick with badly dyed black hair and a black velvet dress that will make you look like some nightmare out of “The Craft”.
13. High-Heeled Sneakers
We can thank Missy Elliot for this one. Luckily its evolved into the sneaker wedge, and you’re not wearing a sneaker wedge now than its probably time to retire this strange combination of rugged worker boots and a more feminine shape.
14. Butterfly Hair Clips
This basically just looks like you have mega sized rainbow head lice, or are a homeless person with stuff coming out of your hair. One could have been cute, but apparently they thought there needed to be a minimum of 25 on every head of hair.
We generally need to say goodbye to vests, unless it is a very cute vintage exception. But too often, they are adorned with disgusting patterns, and makes it look like you are an unfashionable waiter trying to have flare.