When a guy calls me crazy, I shut down. It shows a lack of respect, and it feels demeaning. Men are never called crazy. They’re called “assertive” or “bosses” in situations where women are called bitches. Take Anna Wintour, for example. She’s called a bitch all the time, but male CEOs in the same position are patted on the back on a daily basis.
When you call me crazy, I think of all the times you called your ex crazy. When you told me, I smiled and reassured you that I was the “chill girl”, that I was so sorry you had to deal with that. You smiled back, and told me I was “so down to earth.” And as you yell at me and call me crazy, I feel sorry that I ever let you call her that, and that I also fell for your crap.
“Crazy” is a way for guys to make you apologize for doing nothing wrong. It’s a way to minimize feelings, or to take away my right for them at all. It’s a way to control, and in turn, using that word is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. It’s away to take away the power from my own life, and I won’t let you do that.
Because when I’m on my period, you have no idea what it’s like. You’ve never PMSed in your life. You don’t get that when it’s the crampiest, grumpiest day, and you bail on plans last-minute to watch the game with your friends instead, I’m not “crazy” for being upset. I’m just annoyed that you made an asshole move.
And you use that word to end the argument with me, to spray your superiority all over the room. You paint me into some huffing and puffing cartoon character version of myself rather than trying to understand my emotions and seeing me as an actual person.
Because I’m not the “chill girl” from the Gillian Flynn novel. No one is. If they are, they’ve suffered some sort of lobotomy, because reacting to things is what makes us human, and helps us get to know each other better. As soon as the “c” word comes out, we get defensive, and it completely crumbles that chill girl facade, letting you use all your “crazy” evidence against me even more. It breaks me from the inside out, and makes me feel like I don’t have any piece of myself to hold on to, or defend. It implies that I don’t understand my own emotions, when in reality, I don’t think that you understand me.
Being emotional and upset over something does not make me crazy, just because your reaction is stone faced. I will not apologize for things that aren’t my fault. I will stand up for my right to react, the same way that you have lapses and react as well, without falling prey to the word “overreacting.” I will not let you terrorize me with that word when it just signifies something simply inconvenient that I said, or did..
Like sports, bad video games, and worse fart jokes aren’t inconvenient for me? Women are called “high maintenance”, while guys get the old “boys will be boys” and a nonjudgmental shake of the head. Ladies are forced to have their issues trivialized, while guys get a pat on the back for crying and expressing themselves in a vulnerable way.
So please stop calling me that word, because it’s the reason why little girls who will grow up to be me, repress all their feelings, and start to feel bad about themselves. It’s the reason why we do things like be too controlling with our diets, or keep the walls up when we’re getting to know you. The next time that something doesn’t make sense to you, try to figure it out on your own, without hurling a word out of your mouth that’s more of a power move than an accurate description of my behavior.