Being in a relationship can be really nice. You have a person you love and who loves you back, you always have someone to talk to and someone to cuddle with, you have a partner in crime, a confidante. But being in a relationship isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, it takes a lot of work and effort too. It can be difficult enough to figure out stuff between the two of you, but if a parent decides to add their 2 cents – it becomes practically impossible. And the funny thing is, sometimes we don’t even realize that it’s not us who’s making it difficult, but a parent who’s messing with our love life. So let’s talk about 8 signs your boyfriend’s mom is way too involved in your relationship.
1. Teaching By Example
One of the most important things we learn from our parents is what love is and how to show it. So your boyfriend’s mom can be influencing your relationship without you even realizing. If your boyfriend has some weird expectations from you, like the way you behave or what your relationship should be like – there’s a chance it’s simply because that’s what he’s learned to expect, because that’s how his parents behave. A way to overcome that is to just talk it out and explain to him that every relationship is different and just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
2. Giving You Relationship Advice
Look, it’s fine to talk about your relationship with your mother and ask her for advice, but if his mother tries to give you advice – she’s going to far. If she has any qualms about your relationship it’s her problem. She can just get over it, or talk about it with her son, not you. If she’s doing that she’s overstepping her boundaries.
3. Seeing You As A Threat
There are mothers out there who see their son’s girlfriend as a threat, so what they do is raise momma’s boys. If your boyfriend is one of those – run. If he’s constantly comparing you to his mother – it’s too late. There’s no winning, and even if there was, why would you want to?
4. Imposing Family Expectations
This is a common thing in relationships where partners come from different backgrounds. While you and your boyfriend might not have a problem with that and actually might find it fun to learn more about each other’s upbringing, sometimes the parents have a different point of view. And you know what, they’re entitled to their opinion, as long as they don’t force any expectations on you. If they do – it’s time for a talk with your boyfriend, so he can explain to his mom that everyone is different and they can’t expect his girlfriend to conform to their dated relationship expectations.
5. Using Money To Manipulate
People in a relationship should be financially independent from their parents, unless they’re teenagers. But if you’re both grown adults, and yet your boyfriend relies on his mother for financial support – it’s not a good sign. His mother can use money as a way of manipulating him or even your relationship.
6. Making Holidays Difficult
Holidays are supposed to be the best time for family bonding. If you’re far enough in a relationship it’s normal to have to divide up the holidays and choose which set of parents you’ll be spending which day with. But if his mother tries to guilt your boyfriend into spending every single holiday with her – it’s a bad sign. If on top of that she makes your time at their family home difficult – something’s very wrong.
7. Showing Up Uninvited
The problem with this is that you can’t really say that his mother is uninvited. She’s his mother, she should always be welcome. But normal people plan ahead and make sure the time is right for everyone involved. If she’s showing up unexpectedly – she’s being weirdly overprotective and not allowing you any quality bonding time.
8. Showing Clear Signs Of Disapproval
If your boyfriend’s mother makes it clear that she doesn’t like you, or like you’re not worth her son’s affection – that’s basically the worst. It’s weird that parents sometimes feel like they even get to approve or disapprove of their kids love life. By showing clear signs of disapproval she’s basically hoping to change her son’s opinion and reconsider the relationship. In this case the best you can hope for is that your boyfriend is smart enough to understand it shouldn’t be up to his mom do decide who he chooses to be with.