The Strange Science Of Eye Contact And Connection

Eye contact is way more important than we give it credit. It’s not just about making moon eyes at your crush, our eyes do a lot of heavy lifting in all kinds of social situations. A lot of communication happens before anyone even gets a chance to open their mouth and say any words, through movement, facial expression, etc. And we scan all of that with our eyes.

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Through eye contact we notice a person’s interest, attention, trust, attraction, and whether they’re focused or distracted, are they still engaged in a conversation or have they mentally checked out and are planning their dinner in their head? Not to mention that there’s a thin line when it comes to eye contact: too little and you look sketchy, too much and it’s like, “Why are you starting?” You need just the right amount of eye contact to establish a deep connection. So, let’s see exactly how much influence eye contact has when it comes to love.

1. Eye Contact Makes People Feel Seen

When someone gives you eye contact, at the most basic level, we interpret it as “I’m listening and paying attention.” It makes you feel seen and understood during a conversation, without the other person interrupting your monologue about what happened at work today. Research has proven that direct eye contact actually affects attention and processing, so our brains definitely treat it as important.

2. It Can Create A Surprisingly Fast Sense Of Intimacy

There’s a famous study by Kellerman, Lewis, and Laird that asked strangers to look into each other’s eyes for exactly two minutes without talking, other participants were told to look at each other’s hands or count blinks. The result was pretty interesting. Those who maintained eye contact reported stronger affection and attraction, compared to other participants of the study. This demonstrates that eye contact can indeed foster a sense of intimacy. But you know, don’t do this with unwilling people on the subway, that’s just creepy.

3. The Eyes Help Separate Love From Lust

The University of Chicago and the University of Geneva did studies that showed how our gaze can separate feelings of love and lust. They analyzed the visual patterns of students when shown photographs of people and saw that whenever the supers associated someone with the feeling of romantic love, they tended to look more at the face in the photo. When they associated the person in the photo with feelings of desire and lust, they tended to focus more on the body. Yup, the eyes will always reveal your true feelings.