Spring is soon approaching, which means wedding season is too. People have a lot of strong opinions when it comes to getting married, but there are many myths about that union that we’d like to put to rest. Some of those myths come from pop culture, while others come from our parents. Ignore all that conflicting advice and watch out for these marriage myths.
1. No fighting
If you think that marital bliss means never getting into arguments, you’re sorely mistaken. Arguing doesn’t make for a bad marriage – disagreements happen to the best of us, and even once in a while your angelic partner can get o your nerves. Just make sure that you communicate with each other instead of letting resentment or grudges go – that’s the key.
2. Your soulmate is exactly like you
You should probably have something in common with your romantic partner, but you don’t need to find someone that’s practically a double of you. In fact, opposites often attract! Having similar basic morals is what’s needed, and that’s pretty much it. It’s all about compromise and seeing things from the other person’s perspective.
3. Everyone has “the one” out there
There’s no chance that in this world of billions of people, there’s only one person for you out there. The idea of a “soulmate” is sweet but outdated and adds lots of pressure to a relationship. The notion gives people an excuse to not work hard on their marriage, but all marriages require work. Even the perfect match isn’t handed love on a platter.
4. Don’t go to bed mad
While this isn’t a bad general rule to have (going to sleep angry will definitely lead to some tossing and turning), going to bed angry isn’t a dealbreaker. Even if it’s hard to sleep if you know someone is upset with you, a break can be necessary in oder to process thoughts and have some distance from the situation. Sleep can provide that. Don’t stay up all night fighting – it won’t make anything better. See it with fresh eyes the next day.
5. An identical life plan
Just like your partner doesn’t need to be a mirror of you, they don’t need to have the exact same life plan as you. Similar values are essential, like getting married or wanting kids, but requirements, like being a stay at home mom or wanting to live near your family are something to talk about. Discuss what you’re willing to compromise with on your partner, and the rest? You can handle it as it comes.
6. Intimacy gets boring or happens less
You’re completely in control of this – single people are often scared of marriage because they think that sleeping together will be less fiery. Things only get stale if you let them, and every relationship needs some spicing up after a long time together.
7. You lose your independence
You might not have as much freedom as you did back in your single days, but that doesn’t mean you lose your independence and sense of self. You and your hubby still have separate lives, and can have separate hobbies and friend groups. Otherwise, things are sure to get boring – always maintain that freedom, but with boundaries of course!
8. You get used to all your partner’s annoying habits
As much as you love your spouse and all the baggage that comes with them, the things that annoy you won’t turn endearing over time. The bad stuff doesn’t just go away, and might actually get under your skin more, so finding a long term coping mechanism and communication with your partner is essential.
9. Children make a marriage thrive
Children can’t make or break a marriage – that’s up to you and your partner. However, adding children to an unstable marriage is a surefire shortcut to divorce. Many studies show that children can decrease joy in a marriage, but this rings especially true when you have kids to try to fix a poor marriage in the first place. Kids are not a bandaid!
10. Your spouse can intuit exactly what you need and hot to make you happy
Just like there’s no such thing as “the one,” there’s no such thing as a telepathic partner who can mind-read all your problems. Like most of the things on this list, it all boils down to communication. Don’t let your resentment grow while secretly hoping bae is going to figure it out. Never think that what’s bothering you is so obvious, you don’t have to say it. Once you vocalize, the door for healing is open. The conversation is the solution, not silence in hopes that it will lead to a magical revelation.