Words are a powerful instrument that can either lift you up or bring you down in a matter of seconds. Naturally, we are open to our partners and everything they have to say. Likewise, our loved ones are most sensitive to our remarks, comments, criticism, and other modes of communication that are less pleasant. Being in a relationship, you really need to filter what you say and how you say it as the damage caused by a few simple phrases can often be irreversible, causing problems for years to come. Here are 8 things you should never say in a relationship, unless you want to break up.
‘You don’t know anything’
This phrase might have been harmless for Jon Snow, but for us non-fictional beings those words sting like a bee. Even if you’re arguing, this phrase doesn’t do anything good – it just diminishes your partner’s intelligence and cripples his self-worth. If you feel that your partner doesn’t quite understand the issue, it’s best to say something like ‘From where I stand…’ – make it about you and your feelings, not your partner’s wrongdoings!
‘Everyone knows that’s not how you do it’
The so-called ‘global criticism’ is the worst thing ever as it hits your partner fully as a whole person and on different levels. A phrase like ‘No, that’s no how you do it. Everyone knows it should be done like this…’ is a blow below the waist, really. Try not to compare your loved one to other people or the whole world in general that supposedly knows best – it doesn’t. And your significant other may end up hurt for a long time.
‘Don’t take it personally, but…’
Well that’s the exact way to make sure your loved one will take things personally. If you want to be truthful, make sure you phrase whatever you want to say as gently as possible. There’s a thin line between being intimately sincere with your loved one and openly criticising whatever you don’t like about him or her. Think whether what you’re about to say will do both of you any good or is it something that you should simply accept as part of your partner’s personality.
‘You seem to have gained a few pounds’
Before criticising your partner’s change in appearance, be it extra weight, bad skin condition or smelly breath, think carefully what could be the reason behind those things. Usually it’s not simply because your partner ‘let himself go’, the issues run deeper and you have to explore the roots of the problem. Stress, too much work, low immunity, lack of sleep, and even supressed feelings – all these could make your partner feel and look worse. So instead of commenting on the outcome, try to address the issue and get to the bottom of what’s bothering your loved one.
‘I hate you’
Different things can be said in the heat of the moment, but the H word should never be uttered out loud. As easy as it is to blurt it out, the impact caused by this phrase will last for months or even years, resurfacing each time your partner feels hurt or the two of you get into an argument. Don’t ever make your SO feel that he/she is not loved, even when you’re in a serious fight. You’ll regret it, but it’ll be too late to take the words back.
‘I don’t have time for this’
You might be a super busy person building a career and chatting on the phone 24/7, but that doesn’t mean that your relationship should suffer because of it. Brushing your partner off with this phrase will definitely hurt his feeling and he will not feel like sharing anything with you for a long time. If there’s a pending issue he wants to discuss, ignoring his needs like that will only lead to a bigger crisis. So if you really don’t have time to discuss things now, be sincere about it and offer a day or an evening when you’ll sit down and talk about everything that’s happening. This way your partner will now that you actually care.
‘Now that’s just silly/stupid’
You should be really careful with comments when your partner opens up about something. If he or she thinks it’s important to share this with you, a phrase like ‘It’s stupid’ will hurt you loved one in ways you can’t even imagine. Trust is one of the building blocks of a happy and healthy relationship – you need to be sure that you won’t be laughed at when you pour your heart out to your partner, and he should feel the same way! Otherwise things won’t work between you two.
‘No, I’m not sorry’
Being in an argument is tough as it is, but it’s even more difficult to say you’re sorry. And yet, sometimes it’s the only way to mend things! It’s useless to hold on to your pride when you need to think about the needs and feelings of the other person. Admit that mistakes have been made or you were wrong or rude…there’s always something you can apologize for! A simple ‘I’m sorry’ can do wonders for all types of relationships.