We tell lies to ourselves every day and that’s inevitable because lies are one of the many instruments our psyche uses to cope with stress. Whether it’s a small lie to motivate yourself to exercise more (I think I already look slimmer) or a bigger lie to maintain family bonds (the family meeting wasn’t all that bad), we need to use them from time to time. Much more dangerous are the lies you have been telling yourself for years, if not decades. Those lies are actually keeping you from growing and becoming a healthier, happier human being. They are toxic because most of the time you don’t even realize what they truly are! Here are 6 lies you should stop telling yourself right now.
‘I will become happy after…’
This type of lie has many variations, but the main idea is that something nice will happen after a certain event, change, or action. This type of conditioning doesn’t let you see the truth of the situation you are in and shifts the focus on some better faraway future that will surely come. You will hang onto the job you hate for years, because ‘I will put some money away, and then I’ll go travelling, and then I’ll become happy’. Better ask yourself what is preventing you from doing the things you love right now? Why aren’t you living a happy life? Don’t shift the focus on something that will make you happy in the future, see what can make you happy here and now.
‘I will start exercising tomorrow’
Of course, I’m not talking about exercise alone – we tend to postpone positive changes in our lives all the time. Whether it’s a healthier diet, going to the gym, going to bed earlier, drinking less alcohol or eating less sweets – you can start right now. It doesn’t matter what time of the day it is because getting into a healthy lifestyle doesn’t have a time stamp. Tomorrow won’t be any different from today unless you start making small changes right now. Even if it’s just a plan of a workout you want to do tomorrow morning – sit down and write it out, watch some videos, install apps. Build your motivation, don’t just idly postpone the changes you want to have in your life.
‘I am not worthy of love’
You may not be telling yourself this directly, but this line may still be playing in your subconscious mind like a broken record. If you find yourself getting into unhealthy relationships where you end up treated badly, stop and ask yourself – do you really think you are worthy of love and happiness? Then go deeper and see if you truly, madly, deeply love yourself. First and foremost you should learn to love yourself and be happy with yourself – that is the foundation of any happy relationship, including the one with you. You may need to start from scratch and get acquainted with yourself anew, with your desires, wishes, and passions. We spend so little quality time with ourselves that we tend to forget who we are and what we really want. Love yourself, your life, and the world you live in and that love will come right back at you.
‘He will change because I love him’
Being in a relationship comes with lots of responsibility. If you truly love each other, you can work out most issues. But if you’re stuck with a person who is disrespectful and constantly violates your trust, simply loving him won’t be enough. No matter how you cherish the relationship, no matter how much you love and care for your partner, he will not change unless he wants to. Your sheer willpower isn’t enough to change someone, just like you wouldn’t be able to change your behaviour or reactions just because someone told you to do it. Only when you realize why you need to change and that you actually want this – the process of growth will start.
‘My dream is too big, I won’t even try’
Dreaming big is one of the most important motivators we have in life. Have you ever heard about some genius inventor, successful businessman or a great actor who didn’t dream big? If you can imagine it – then you can achieve it! That’s how things work in life. And if you start moving towards that dream of yours, even with baby steps, it will make your life much more meaningful and enjoyable. Most of the time it’s not even the result, it’s the journey that makes it all worthwhile. Even if you want to go to space, but can’t even imagine how that can happen, why not try getting closer to it? Visit some cool space event, explore the night sky through a telescope, visit some huge observatory, and get as much inspiration as you can. And then, who knows, maybe some change will present itself? Don’t ditch your dream because it seems too unrealistic, because it’s the only thing that really matters!
‘I’m not good enough’
This is one of the most toxic lies as it holds you back from doing things that make you truly happy. When you think you’re not smart enough, not beautiful enough, and in general not good enough, you won’t even try doing what your heart desires out of fear of failure. That cute guy is flirting with you? But you think you’re not good enough. A cool job opportunity presents itself? But you’re again afraid you’re not good enough. Someone may have told you this at some point in time, maybe when you were little. These cognitive distortions lie deep inside our psyche, but the earlier you recognize them, the better. Don’t hide behind this phrase and be brave – you are the only one who can change your life and live it to the fullest.