Boundaries are a healthy and necessary aspect to every relationship. They help keep friendships and romantic relationships intact, providing a sense of balance to the dynamic.
1. You find yourself justifying the bad behavior of others. If you are making excuses for why people are treating you badly, you’re not setting the right boundaries in your relationships.
2. You blame yourself when things go wrong, yet it’s not your fault. Being held accountable for your actions is one thing, but if you find yourself doing this when someone else is treating you badly, it’s a sign of weak boundaries.
3. Your decisions are disregarded often. Don’t give away your power of choice – if someone tries to dominate you or crosses a line, it’s important to speak up without being dramatic and effectively learn how to say no.
4. You experience the feeling of shame. If you’re starting to feel shame for other reason, it could be that someone is gaslighting you and crossing boundaries. If someone is coercing you into feeling guilty but you don’t believe you’ve done anything wrong, it could be due to a misstep of boundaries.
5. Many of your relationships end up being dramatic or difficult. When you lack boundaries, you open yourself up to relationships witр people who want to control you, leading to a cycle of codependent relationships with an uneven power balance.
6. It’s extremely hard for you to make a decision. When you don’t have the right boundaries, you start giving in to what other people want to do instead of taking control of your sense of individuality. Now, when you’re faced with decisions, you panic or blank.
7. Often, you don’t feel respected. Boundaries are a guide to respecting and treating others with dignity. Without setting them, people have no guidelines for how to treat you, and this often results in a lack of respect.
8. You’re been called a people pleaser more than once in your life. This might mean that you don’t like saying no, or you hate letting people down. However, this leads to you saying yes to things you don’t actually want – please yourself, for once!
9. A fear of abandonment is very real for non-boundary setters. Your don’t value yourself enough, and fear that others might not value you either. You think that not having boundaries will make others love you less, but instead, it can lead to the opposite.
10. You feel tired all the time. This is due to being emotionally exhausted and drained from a lack of self-care. You cram your life into the in-between moments when you’re not doing something for someone else. Ignoring or not identifying your dreams cause both depression and fatigue.
11. You often feel that you’re put in a victim situation. You’ve probably felt taken advantage of, and until you see yourself as a survivor, this might keep happening. If you feel overwhelmed in life it’s easy to fall into the feeling that you’re being victimized.
12. Your sense of identity and who you really are feels shaky at times. You’re not used to doing what you want, and base your opinions on the validation of others as opposed to your own free thought. Setting short term goals can help you clarify your purpose, but take the time to learn about yourself and figure out what you want.
13. You suffer from low self-esteem. Maybe it comes in lapses or maybe it’s a constant, but when you feel depressed and are suffering, it’s a lot easier for people to take advantage of you. Paying attention to your state to your mind when you’re not feeling your best is important, for this reason.
14. People in your life often show up late or visit without invitation. If you show up on time and they consistently are tardy, even though you took precious time out of your schedule to spend time with them. Same goes for shopping up unannounced and assuming you’ll be able to free up just for them.
15. The people around you frequently talk about themselves – it’s all about them, and there’s no room for you in this storyline. This is a sign that you surround yourself with people who don’t respect boundaries of you.