There’s no worse blow to confidence than being ghosted after the first date. However, it happens to the best of us, but although it’s common, that doesn’t make it any less upsetting. It doesn’t feel great to have what you thought was a magical first date, only to be left waiting for a message or call that never came. When someone stops all communication without any kind of explanation, it can be shocking, and it’s tough to know how to respond or if you even want to put in the effort to respond. It’s all up to you and what you feel comfortable with, but here are some important things to keep in mind when someone hasn’t bothered to reach out gain.
1. Accept it
Acceptance is important, although this situation is hurtful and frustrating. While you may want to lash out immediately or change the situation, don’t try to fight it or chase after them. Try to see it in a positive light – in a way, you should be glad that someone like that exited your life.
2. Focus on moving on
If you’ve been ignored or left on read, it can be tempting to go haywire and not stop messaging until you get a response. However, it’s important to realize that in the long run, the best thing for you to do is let it go and move on. If that person can’t give you the respect and dignity of a simple response, even if it’s to say they’re not interested, they don’t deserve your effort in reaching. Instead of focusing on the “why” focus on the fact that they didn’t contact you, and consider if you want to be treated like this in the future.
3. Delete and block
To get them out of your mind and prevent you from reaching out when you shouldn’t, mute or unfollow them on social media. Delete their number if you need to, and put your energy into things that bring you joy instead of anxiety and negative energy. This can include talking to your support network, journaling, or focusing on hobbies.
4. Call out your ghoster if you want to
Before you hit that block or delete button, keep in mind that it’s perfectly fine to hold them accountable for their responses, but it may not bring you the closure or emotional satisfaction that you’re really seeking. There aren’t really rules in this situation – instead, don’t rely on getting an explanation or apology. Express yourself and try to use “I Feel” statements rather than “You” statements which can stop you from sounding accusatory. Only send a message like this if they’ve ignored your follow-up.
5. Don’t be overcritical of yourself
You’re not responsible for their poor communication and lack of respect for how they treat other humans. It’s totally ok to give yourself the space to feel rejected and hurt, but remember that this is about them, not you. Ghosting happens, and it’s definitely not your fault – you just happened to get unlucky enough to meet someone that does it.
6. Focus on other activities
This is the perfect time to pick up a new hobby. Activities or meeting up with friends can help distract you from this unfortunate incident and will help you move on more quickly. Fortunately, this person showed their true colors on the first date so they didn’t have a chance to get to relationship status. You can also use this time for self-improvement, whether it’s working out or trying a new look.
7. Don’t make excuses for them
Don’t make excuses for people that aren’t willing to explain their actions or be accountable. In reality, we have no idea what people are thinking when they make these decisions, and no amount of excuses will help you figure out the answer. Making excuses for someone else is a way of lying to yourself – instead, simply accept the truth and don’t give any more brain space to this person.
8. Amp up the self-care
This can help get you to the moving on stage a little quicker. Spoil yourself at the spa if you can afford it or maybe just book a simple massage or mani/pedi. Treating yourself is always bound to cheer you up, so get your favorite treatment, splurge on your favorite dessert, and remember not to isolate yourself during this self-care time unless you really want to spend time alone. Instead, call up your mom or bestie!
9. Build resilience
The first thing to know about ghosting is that you shouldn’t take it personally. While we hope that this doesn’t happen again, at least it’s happened once before, so you can build up some resilience and inner strength. This comes from taking care of your mental and physical health as well as prioritizing compassion for yourself. Remember that it’s not you, it’s them. However, if you start seeing patterns arising and you’re getting ghosted a lot, it may be time for some self-reflection or time to consider if you keep picking the wrong type of potential partners.