Dating as a plus-sized woman comes with its challenges. It comes with a fear of rejection and a worry that people will see them as “less than.” And even if a curvy woman isn’t insecure about her body, society (and potential romantic partners) will make her feel like she should be. Here are all the dating struggles that plus-size women face—and how to overcome them.
Intimate life
Some plus-size women might be insecure about how they look physically, preventing them from experiencing full pleasure. A plus-size woman might also experience pressure on joints during sex, meaning that you’ll need to figure out the right positions that are comfortable for her and work with her range of mobility.
To overcome these issues, wear lingerie that emphasizes the body parts you’re proudest of, and use lots of pillows to get comfortable. Communicate with your partner in the bedroom, and focus on sensations over visuals.
Experiencing self-love
You’re not ready for a relationship unless you love yourself. Radical self-love allows you to find the right person, but how do you get there? One of the best ways to accomplish this is through affirmations. Start with the mirror, which can be a triggering place for many. Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself, out loud, one thing you love about yourself.
You can also write these little compliments to yourself on sticky notes that you place on the mirror. Repeat them throughout the day—positive self-talk has been proven to boost confidence and improve your health. To love yourself more, go on dates with yourself! Practice self-care through dressing up and taking yourself out to dinner or exploring your favorite hobbies.
Being confident
Confidence isn’t just something that plus-size women deal with. Many of us struggle with this daily, whether it’s due to unrealistic social media comparisons or harsh self-judgements about what we should look like—faking it till you make it will only get you so far. To combat low confidence, partake in activities that increase endorphins and make you feel good.
Find a form of exercise that you enjoy, whether that’s taking a dance class, going on a hike, or lifting weights. See a therapist. Journal your emotions and thoughts. Practice breath-work that clears your mind and calms you. All of this will make a difference and transform you into your best self.
Getting unsolicited advice from friends and family
If you’re a plus-size woman that’s dating, you might get suggestions from your friends and family that don’t make you feel great. They may think they’re doing you a service by suggesting things like weight loss or changes that will improve your dating life, but the impact on your self-esteem can be harmful.
To stand up for yourself and prevent this in the future, set boundaries, telling them you don’t want to discuss your body and you’re happy with who you are. If you’re comfortable discussing your dating life (but not your body), remind the person you’re talking to that you’re focused on finding a great partner rather than changing yourself. And finally, be sure to surround yourself with body-positive voices that uplift you rather than toxic ones!
People assume that you should “settle,” and sometimes, you believe it
Some people assume that plus-size women shouldn’t be so picky when it comes to dating. They should just accept whoever is attracted to them and take whatever attention they can get. But this isn’t true. You deserve to have high standards and a partner that treats you well, no matter what your body type is.
You deserve a partner who will worship you. To overcome this mentality, move on from people you date who don’t put in the energy you deserve. Remember that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities there is, and the right person will appreciate you for who you are. When you know your worth,
Being treated like a kink
A plus-size woman is an individual, not a mere object of desire. Yet some people will treat her like one, going on dating apps or seeking her out simply because they want a larger body or want to see what it’s like to be with a plus-size girl. Someone should like you, but not treat you like an object or a fantasy to be fulfilled.
To avoid this, watch out for red flags, like someone talking obsessively about your body rather than your other qualities and your personality. You can also direct questions like “What do you like about me?” If they can only come up with physical traits (especially relating to your size), their intentions may not be the best. Only people who deserve the entirety of who you are as a person deserve your energy and attention. You are more than your curves.
Dealing with dating app algorithms (and catfishes)
Dating as a bigger woman on an app comes with its challenges. Dating app algorithms make it easier for plus-size women to get matches, and if someone doesn’t post a full-size photo that accurately depicts how they look, it can lead to judgment or a negative reaction when you meet in person.
To avoid this, prioritize apps that value body-inclusivity and allow for self-expression, like Feeld, Hinge, and OkCupid. Be authentic, and don’t be afraid to be upfront and state that you’re curvy in your bio, or post a full-body photo that will attract people who appreciate your body type. Don’t hide your beauty—showcase how illuminating you are from the get-go! You can also set up a video call before you meet in person, if that makes you more comfortable.