You may have experienced a tender moment of intimacy gazing into your lover’s eyes over a romantic dinner or perhaps cuddling in bed as they hold you tightly. As sweet as those moments are, they can be like a drug — they’re often fleeting and leave you craving more. But these momentary connections that arise from a specific situation aren’t lasting. You need longevity for a marriage or relationship to thrive, and you can accomplish that in a few ways. Here are six ways to create genuine and long-lasting intimacy.
1. Express yourself clearly and speak your mind
It may be tempting to censor yourself if you’re concerned about how your partner will react to something. But this will only snowball into more misunderstandings, and you’ll never really feel like you’re being heard. Being authentic and keeping things real with the other person is the first step to lasting intimacy. Research shows that letting your partner see the real you is key to communicating and being satisfied in a marriage. It also creates a safer space, where they’ll feel comfortable telling you anything as well.
2. Even though it’s hard, be vulnerable
Opening yourself up to someone can be a tough and sometimes painful process. But intimacy isn’t pretty all the time. Letting people in can be a difficult and emotional undertaking, and it’s not easy. Another study shows that vulnerability is empowering in relationships, so the next time you feel hurt with your partner, don’t shut down and give them the silent treatment. Dig deep into those emotions and share them with your partner, it will only make you closer.
3. Be compassionate
Showing compassion to yourself and to others is a little-known way to unlock intimacy, at least according to this research on the art of compassion. Be compassionate and show grace to each other during those messy moments. This will create a supportive, safe space between you and set a solid foundation for growing together.
4. Listen and remain judgment-free
Sometimes, we don’t know how to say the right thing. But other times, not saying anything is the right move. Being a good listener is the first stage of intimacy. If someone opens up to you and you judge them or say their perspective is wrong, it can feel like a door slamming in your face, and boom! The intimacy is shut off forever. Even if you disagree with what someone is saying, hear out their truth first.
5. Live in the present
We all get preoccupied with things we’re worried about, but staying fully present is important. If you find yourself getting distracted, bring yourself back to the present. Intimacy can only be experienced when you’re living in the moment, and doing so will deepen your connection like nothing else.
6. Focus on their positive qualities
If you’ve been with your partner for a while, you may be annoyed by some of the habits and quirks that you were initially charmed by. Rather than letting them drive you crazy, try to see them as all the things that make them adorably unique. If you focus on the negative, you’re bound to bring that energy to the relationship. However, if you focus on the positive, this study says that your relationship will benefit.
The importance of intimacy
From busy days at work to taking care of children, life can get in the way of being intimate with your partner, but putting in work to make that connection can make or break your relationship. Intimacy makes your relationship more fulfilling by enhancing self-esteem, boosting your mood on a regular basis, and growing trust with someone that you know will always be on your team.
Remember that things go deeper than appearances if you want someone to love you as you truly are. Intimacy is all about letting go of the expectations of who you should be and embracing your flaws. When you’re comfortable with who you really are, your partner will feel the same.