Love surrounds us in this world, and it’s a common dream to think of finding that one soulmate that was made just for you. But people that lose faith in finding that one true love have forgotten one important thing: the single person that deserves all your time and attention is, in fact, yourself.
It doesn’t help that Disney and the rest of the society has us out there thinking that if we meet that Prince Charming, everything will somehow be perfect — in fact, it’s known as the Cinderella complex, fittingly enough.
Many women spend so much of their time and energy on finding a boyfriend because they think they need one. As some of us get older, we realize we shouldn’t have placed so much importance on it, but in the moment, we can stay stuck in toxic situations. We stay stuck in relationships where we tolerate abuse, keep having the same fights, and drain all our energy and time.
But when that relationship ends for whatever reason, it sometimes feels as though a weight has been lifted off. You’d been carrying that burden of not being with the right person for so long, that you finally feel like you can breathe. Seeking validation from others can lead you to some pretty dark places, but there’s only one person who can truly validate you — yourself.
Being alone is sometimes a scary choice. But it can be the only way to move forward and flourish in your own life — especially if you feel like you’ve become a person that you don’t ever recognize anymore. It’s scary to be alone, and insecurity is a beast even in the best of us. But staying in the wrong relationship out of fear will constrain you. It will ensure you simply just live, rather than feeling alive and grabbing life by the horns.
Spending conscious time on your own can allow you to find yourself again, and when you do find a love that is worthy of you, it’ll come naturally and feel right, rather than showing up because you were actively seeking it or thinking that you needed it.
Loving someone else can only happen when you’ve mastered the art of self-love, which is a long and complicated process for many people. Ultimately, being on your own isn’t easy, but settling for something is even worse. Love pops up in the most unexpected of places, and the best thing you can do is stay open and focus loving yourself in the meanwhile. ‘
You can spend your time looking Mr. Right, or you can shift that energy to a cause that will help you grow, refocus your priorities. Single people can experience just as much joy in life as couples, and they’re generally better at holding on to their identity and sense of self.
After all, it’s 2021, and we all deserve to feel empowered. Choosing yourself is a better alternative to finding something cheap to fill the void, but it’s tough when low confidence and poor self-esteem are so common for many of us to deal with. To start, consider taking yourself out on a date. Buy yourself an outfit that makes you feel good. Treat yourself to a spa day. Hang out with your best friends, who will compliment you and remind you why you’re such a great catch.
So at the end of the day, we say that looking for love is a waste of your time not because we’re being cynics that think it’s better to be alone for the rest of our lives. Instead, love will find you when you’re ready for it. In the meanwhile, focus on accomplishing those goals and reaching personal successes. Climb a mountain peak or volunteer at a shelter. There are more fulfilling things than being somebody’s boyfriend or girlfriend, and doing all these things will only make you a more interesting partner to your dream bae in the long run. More passions and interests will just bring you more things you could have in common with your future soulmate.
Take stock of your life rather than throwing yourself into relationships. As they say, moderation is key, and that balance is important when it comes to different aspects of your life as well. Once you finally master this self-love, acceptance of being alone, and don’t think you require someone else to complete you, that’s when you’ll experience real freedom for the first time.